Jon Stewart “Let’s turn to overseas.  A week ago, just one week, seven days, it seemed the only way these United States might avoid war with Syria, was through our usual semantic shenanigans.  We would bomb them but we’d call it a freedom play date.  You know what I’m talking about. But, over the weekend, the winds of war shifted dramatically.”

Don Lemon (CNN) 9-14-13 “After days of negotiations, Secretary of State John Kerry and Russia’s top diplomat have reached an agreement that could end Syria’s chemical weapons program.  They sealed the deal in Geneva, one that could leave Syria with no chemical weapons by the middle of next year.”

Stewart “I can’t believe it, we pulled, we managed not to have a war with somebody.  I don’t, you don’t get a war, and you don’t get a war, and you don’t get a war. Everybody doesn’t get a war…..So, we get to take Assad’s chemical weapons.  We don’t have to kill anyone, and we did it all just by the talky talk.  There’s only one way to describe that.”

Sen Lindsey Graham 9-14-13 “It means nothing, so this is a debacle.”
…..

Stewart “Graham, why can’t you take no war for an answer?”

Graham “The reason I wanted to strike Assad is to punish him.”

…..

Stewart “Lindsey Graham isn’t alone in feeling that this successful use of diplomacy to achieve our goal, is the worst defeat in American history.”

Pundit on CNN 9-15-13 “I just don’t see how this is a good outcome for anybody.”

Sen John McCain (R-AZ) 9-15-13 “I think it’s a loser.”

Fox host 9-15-13 “It ends up being a hand off to Vladimir Putin.”

Fox pundit 9-14-13 “I have never seen a fiasco like this from a US President.”

Stewart “What am I missing?  We might contain a dictators chemical weapons stockpile without having to kill innocent civilians in the process, or invading a country and creating more, there’s only two explanations, for how this fellow there (last Fox pundit), the Wall Street Journal’s Paul Gigot, has never seen a fiasco like this from a US President.  A.) he’s only six months old, he’s one of them Benjamin Button type dudes, …, and he worked for Regan, never seen a fiasco like this, Iran Contra, or B.) Paul Gigot doesn’t understand what the word fiasco means.  What?  A threesome with hot girls now, but I’m supposed to go collect my lottery winnings.  What a fiasco…..The only thing that they like less than that we’re not bombing now, is that we might not bomb.”

Fox host 9-15-13 “It appears that the threat of force has been taken off the table.”

Pundit on Face the Nation 9-15-13 “I think that it does take the use of American force, pretty much off the table.”

Pundit 9-13-13 “I think that the armed response really is off the table.”

Stewart “It’s not off the table.  The armed response is never off the table.  Who believes the armed response is off the table.  This is America, have you seen the table? (shows a picture with the top of an aircraft carrier as a table)

http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/mon-september-16-2013/fifty-shades-of-graham

http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/mon-september-16-2013/dude–where-s-my-war-

John Fugelsang:

Well, today, my friends, the Senate Republicans made history when they used the filibuster to block a vote on President Obama’s nominee for secretary of defense, another Republican. And the whole thing stinks like a carnival cruise ship.

House Majority Leader Harry Reid was so angry he almost tore the tassels off his loafers. Sen. Reid called it the saddest spectacle he’s ever seen in the Senate. But you know what, Harry? I think I can recall an even sadder one — something that happened just last month.

Because if Harry Reid is mad at the GOP for filibustering this nomination, he needs to go straight to the Senate floor, in full view of the cameras, and spend an entire day punching himself in the face.

Now, it’s not easy to fight yourself in the face — just ask Edward Norton in “Fight Club.”

You see, Sen. Reid, the first rule of Fight Yourself in the Face Club? You, Harry, are president of Fight Yourself in the Face Club.

Because you had the chance to make sure this wouldn’t happen today, dear Mr. Reid. In fact, you promised us you’d make sure this wouldn’t happen. And now, look, poor Leon Panetta has to stay in the Pentagon even longer, like George Bailey never getting out of Bedford Falls. Now, because of you, Mr. Reid, the chicken hawks have come home to roost.

See Harry Reid spent much of last year getting pressured to reform the filibuster, but he blew the chance. And then he apologized for blowing the chance. He publicly said senators Merkley and Udall were right to push for a reform package and he was wrong. And he promised us that come the beginning of the almighty 2013 session, he’d make filibuster reform happen.

On the first day, Harry had a chance to change the filibuster rules with a simple majority. And then Harry Reid stepped to the plate and filibustered on filibuster. He choked like George Bush on pretzel night. He folded like wet cardboard. He struck a handshake deal with Mitch McConnell to do a filibuster reform package that was so watered down Marco Rubio can drink it during a speech.

And now, now the Senate is still a place where democracy means the minority controls the majority.

Now I know some will say this isn’t fair. The bad guys here are clearly Lindsey Graham and the GOP. They’ve mostly abandoned the idea of working in good faith. But see, here’s the thing, and back me up on this: We expect hypocrisy, malfeasance and tea-baggery from the modern GOP. They’ve got their eyes on the prize, the prize being a zero percent approval rating one day. Harry Reid is like Charlie Brown being constantly shocked that Lucy moved the football.

So Harry, when you have a second please, take a break from reaping what you sow, take a break from planning to slyly let the assault weapons ban die in the Senate, and show us you care, by punching yourself in the face.

See, Harry, if you’re not going to be an effective majority leader, if you’re not going to do any real reform, if your will isn’t strong enough for the job, you know what you need to do? Something I’ve never said before in my life — be more like Pope Benedict.

Step down, Harry Reid. Let someone lead who wants to lead. Now I don’t know if this means the Hagel nomination is dead. All I know is if I ever get divorced from my wife, I hope she hires Harry Reid as her lawyer, because then I’m guaranteed to get everything.

http://current.com/shows/viewpoint/videos/should-harry-reid-make-like-pope-benedict-john-fugelsang-reacts-to-the-hagel-filibuster/

Stewart “We begin tonight with the attacks on the consulate in Benghazi, Libya.  It was a tragic situation where American lives were lost.  And in the three months since the attack, legitimate questions of adequate embassy security, America’s overall efficacy in fighting the war on terror, and the intricate dance twixt national security and the public’s right to know, have all been distilled down, thrown out, and replaced with this one urgent conclusion concerning current Ambassador to the United Nations Susan Rice.”

Sen John McCain (R-AZ) 11-14-12 “I will do everything in my power to block her from being the United States Secretary of State.  She’s not qualified.”

Stewart “That’s Senator John McCain, continuing his seven year quest to negate every good thing he’d ever done prior to that.  This time leading the charge to preempt an, as of now, hypothetical Obama nomination for Secretary of State to replace Hillary Clinton.  Why?  Because five days after the Benghazi attacks, Susan Rice went on the Sunday talk shows and said this.”

Dr Susan Rice 9-16-12 “The best assessment we have today, is that, in fact, this was not a preplanned premeditated attack.  That what happened initially, was that it was a spontaneous reaction to what had just transpired in Cairo, as a consequence of the video. “

Stewart “We know that that’s wrong now.  And, we now know that many in the Obama administration knew immediately that that statement was wrong.  That the attacks were not angry film critics, but Al Qaeda, or one of Al Qaeda’s AA teams, the Ansar Al Sharia Mudhens.  So, Susan Rice met yesterday with Senators McCain, Graham and Ayotte to clear the air.  How’d that go?”

Sen Lindsey Graham (R-SC) 11-27-12 “Ambassador Rice, I think, does not do justice to the reality at the time, and in hindsight clearly was completely wrong.”

McCain 11-27-12 “We are significantly troubled by many of the answers we got, and some that we didn’t get, concerning evidence that was overwhelming leading up to the attack on our consulate.”

Stewart “Here’s the deal.  They may be right.  Though, on the scale of public misstatements, Rice’s comments seem to fall towards the embarrassing evidence of institutional disorganization, end of the scale.”

 

            Washington Misstatement Meter

Feeding W-M-D info to the NY Times reporter

“I did not have sex with that woman, ________”

That tweet wasn’t my dong

Mistakenly referring to mistress as ‘biographer’

Polio?  No, I don’t have Polio!  I just enjoy sitting!

** Embarrassing evidence of institutional disorganization

Private admissions of hatred for half of country

Broken promise to quit smoking

 

Stewart continues “But, here’s the thing.  These two (Graham and McCain) don’t get to be the ones to self-righteously get angry about this.  They’re upset that she may have passed bad intel, wittingly or un, to the American people.  Remember these two from a decade ago?”

McCain 10-9-02 “Saddam Hussein continues to acquire, amass, and improve on his arsenal of weapons of mass destruction.  He continues to acquire, attempt to acquire, a nuclear weapon.  These are all well known facts.”

Graham 12-19-01 “Let’s act now to get rid of a tyrant who’s abused and killed his own people, who’s procuring weapons of mass destruction, substantial evidence to that effect.”

Stewart “I remember all that from their hit blog, S#&t old guys who unnecessarily get us into wars say.  Of course, it’s probably not a one to one comparison.  Unfortunately, that’s not really, it’s not a one to one comparison, because while Susan Rice admitted to the error within weeks, these two still refuse to acknowledge that invading a country based on information from a source named Curveball, was actually considered to be a pretty (terrible) idea at the time.  If only we had a more direct comparison to make here.  Sort of a one to one.  Like another high ranking government official, passing what they knew at the time was misleading intelligence to the American public, on a Sunday news show, also in line to become Secretary of State, and was African American, and a woman, and let’s say, her name was also Rice.  That’d be something.”

Condoleeza Rice 9-8-02 “We do know that there have been shipments going into Iran, for instance, into Iraq, for instance of aluminum tubes that really are only suited to, high quality aluminum tubes that are only really suited for nuclear weapons programs, centrifuge programs.”

Stewart “She knew that was BS at the time.  What would a John McCain or a Lindsey Graham say about a woman like that’s qualifications for Secretary of State?”

Graham 1-27-05 “To attack her personally is way over the line, because she is our face and voice to the world, and you’re not doing any American any good by sending her off with such labels.”

McCain 1-27-05 “But, I think it’s very clear that Condoleeza Rice is a person of integrity, and yes, I see this some lingering bitterness over a very tough campaign.  I hope it will dissipate soon.”

 

http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/wed-november-28-2012/legends-of-the-fault