Archive for the ‘Larry Wilmore’ Tag

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Larry Wilmore “We figured out what NCAA stands for:


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Larry Wilmore speaking about protests like the one in Ferguson “It’s not that these protests are less focused it’s just that the goals are less tangible.  In the old days it was about being able to sit at a lunch counter, or going to the same schools, or even voting.  Today, we’re just trying to not get shot on our way to work.  Now look, I know it sounds like I’m exaggerating, people may think Hey Larry, calm down, calm down.  Police aren’t targeting black guys  OK.  Roll 122”

Reporter Channel 6 “Tonight a South Florida family is outraged by this image right here and others.  They say North Miami Beach used it, and the images of five other minorities as targets during weapons training.”

Outraged family member “People that are out there supposed to be protecting us are using us as target practice.”

Wilmore “That story was reported way back in today.  The police in Florida are literally using pictures of young black men as targets.  Now, how can we see that and be surprised when it happens in real life?  I’m not surprised when Kobe hits a jumper, that dude practices.”

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 Judge Andrew Napolitano on Fox News “I prefer to look at Lincoln this way.  At the time that he was the President of the United States, slavery was dying a natural death all over the western world…  Instead of allowing it to die, or helping it to die, or even purchasing the slaves and then freeing them, which would have cost a lot less money than the civil war cost, Lincoln set about on the most murderous war in American history. “

Jon Stewart “Oh right, compensated emancipation.  Why didn’t Lincoln think of that?  Oh, he did think of that.  He spent most of 1862 trying to convince the border states of Delaware, Kentucky, Maryland, Missouri, and West Virginia to free their slaves in exchange for money and everybody said bleep off.  OK, alright, ’cause it wasn’t economically feasible and the slave states had a deeply vested sociopolitical interest  in maintaining a two-tiered culture based on cheap forced labor.  Frankly, I don’t even know why we’re talking about slavery.  I mean, why are we even talking about slavery?  It seems that wasn’t really what the civil war was about.”

Napolitano “Well, it’s not even all together clear if slavery was the reason for secession…But, largely the impetus for secession was tariffs.”

Stewart “Sure, unless he’s talking about a slave named tariff, he’s talking out his ass, ’cause in their own declarations of secession, South Carolina, Georgia, and Mississippi all clearly put slavery as the number one issue for wanting to secede, with Mississippi saying quote our position is thoroughly identified with the institute of slavery, the greatest material interest of the world.  I guess  you can read into that.  Going on to say, although for future whitewashing purposes please replace the word slavery with tariffs.  Alright, for more on the issue we talk to our senior black correspondent Larry Wilmore.  Larry, thanks for joining us.  So, what about this idea that Lincoln should have just waited because slavery would have eventually died of natural causes.”

Wilmore “Uh Jon, the south was so committed to slavery, Lincoln didn’t die of natural causes.”