Archive for the ‘Jon Stewart’ Tag

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“Let me clarify this a little bit. Students at Liberty University were required to attend a partisan political speech where a small government conservative who had just promised he would respect privacy rights told them that if they cared about freedom, text your information to a mysterious address that collects your cell phone number for undisclosed purposes.” — Jon Stewart

 

 

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Jon Stewart “So, we’re fighting with Iran against ISIS, and then with Saudi Arabia against Iran,  Holy bleep!  We did it.  It took decades of destabilizing conflict but we finally figured out how to fight a proxy war against ourselves.”

http://thedailyshow.cc.com/videos/1xg427/wait–whose-side-are-we-on-again-

 

 

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Jon Stewart “Even Megyn Kelly, who was, prior to that desperately searching for answers, had the House intelligence committee chair Mike Rogers (R-MI) on her show two weeks after he released the Benghazi report, and never asked him about it once.  Not bleeping once. Yes, the network who used the word Benghazi like a clubhouse password, the official Republican dominated House report on Benghazi was the only news story in two years that didn’t remind them to talk about Benghazi.

Which brings us once again to our main point of respect and appreciation.  The beauty that is the ugliness of Fox News.  They demand accountability for anger and divisiveness whilst holding themselves entirely unaccountable for their anger and divisiveness.  For two years they used Benghazi as shorthand, as a symbol for the whole concept of a corrupt lying, tyrannical, possibly murderous Obama White House, kind of like other people used Hands Up Don’t Shoot as a symbol for systemic racism.  There’s really only one difference between the two phenomena.  Systemic racism actually exists. “

http://thedailyshow.cc.com/videos/faezep/mighty-morphin-position-changers

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“[Putin] started out as something of a normal human being, transitioned into a bit of an eccentric dictator. Somewhere along the way something changed, the goofiness gave way to a darker, more sinister Putin. Much like a young, harmless wizard that got sorted into Slytherin. So after hanging around with some of the bad kids and sleeping in the dungeon-y parts of Hogwarts, Vladimir Putin has turned into Lord Vladimort.” — Jon Stewart

 

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Jon Stewart “It was the State Of The Union address the Republicans wanted, delivered by leader they wish they had.  And, Netanyahu wasted no time explaining why there was no time to waste.”

Benjamin Netanyahu speaking before Congress March 3, 2015 “That’s why this deal is so bad.  It doesn’t block Iran’s path to the bomb, it paves Iran’s path to the bomb….Iran’s breakout time would be very short, about a year by US assessment, even shorter by Israel’s.”

Stewart “Well of course, the Jewish assessment will be a little shorter, we like to cut a little off at the tip.  But, holy bleep, one year.  Bibi, if Iran’s that close, why didn’t you bring your urgent warning about Iran going nuclear sooner?  Oh wait, you did.  Apparently time was also running out 19 years ago.”

Benjamin Netanyahu speaking before CongressJuly 10, 1996 “The most dangerous of these regimes is Iran…If this regime, or it’s despotic neighbor Iraq, were to acquire nuclear weapons, this could presage catastrophic consequences…Only the United States can lead this vital international effort to stop the nuclearization of terrorists states….Time is running out.  We have to act.”

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Stewart “But, this brings up the difficult issue.  What many in our government love about Netanyahu is his conviction and his certainty.”

Netanyahu to Congress March 3, 2015 “In the Middle East, Iran now dominates four Arab capitals, Baghdad, Damascus, Beirut,and Sana.”

Stewart “We have to act.  Look how Iran has expanded it’s power since the fall of Saddam Hussein and the destabilization of the region.  I mean, what kind of an idiot wouldn’t have seen that coming in 2002?  Oh Shalom.”

Netanyahu September 12, 2002 “If you take out Saddam, Saddam’s regime, I guarantee you that it will have enormous positive reverberations on the region….The reverberations of what happens with the collapse of Saddam’s regime could very well create an implosion in a neighboring regime like Iran.”

Stewart “Or, the opposite.”

http://thedailyshow.cc.com/videos/13ry42/bibi-s-big-adventures

 

 

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Jon Stewart speaking of the Brian Williams scandal “I love that now the media pretends that they must guard the crown jewel of their credibility when we’ve already seen it’s Al Capone’s vault.  Not that they weren’t hard on themselves post clusterbleep.”

Reporter “How did you guys do on the issue of weapons of mass destruction?”

Bill Keller (New York Times) “I think we did, uhm, I think we did pretty darned good.”

Wolf Blitzer (CNN) “I think we were pretty strong.”

Reporter “I think the questions were asked”

Reporter “there was a fog of war”

Reporter “I guess we were caught up in the post 9/11 sense of patriotism.”

Reporter “And there’s also the fog of covering the war”

Blitzer “Could we have done a better job?  Sure.  Remember, we are a first draft of history journalism.”

Stewart “But it wasn’t even your draft.  You were just copying off Cheney’s paper.  You were plagiarizing history.”

http://thedailyshow.cc.com/videos/j3ware/guardians-of-the-veracity

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Jon Stewart “But, as predictable as one parties race is, the other nomination could still go to anyone.  Well, not anyone.”

Wolf Blitzer (CNN) “Republican Mitt Romney says he will not, repeat he will not run, make a third run for the White House.”

Stewart “Ha, well you know what, what do you know?  It turns out that sometimes unwanted people do self-deport.”

http://thedailyshow.cc.com/videos/adedvb/democalypse-2016–the-trail-to-the-path-to-the-route-to-the-road-to-the-white-house