Archive for the ‘Jesus’ Tag

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John Fugelsang  “In Matthew 25 Jesus commands his followers – both individuals and nations – to care for the sick. Sigh.”

 

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Chris Rock “People are like, don’t joke abut the freedom tower, that has something to do with 9/11.  Hey hey, I’m not joking about 9/11.  I’m not.  But, you’ve got to realize that we are in America.  And, In America there are no sacred days ’cause we commercialize everything.  We’re only 5 years away from 9/11 sales.  That’s right, you’re going to hear it on the radio.  Come on down to Red Lobster.  These shrimp are nine dollars and eleven cents.  That’s right, it doesn’t matter what the holiday is.  Martin Luther King day, it’s going to be the same thing.  You’re going to be watching TV and like these Toyotas are practically free at last, free at last.  This MLK birthday Madea’s got a dream.  It’s America, we commercialize everything.  Look at what we did to Christmas.  Christmas.  Christmas is Jesus’ birthday.  It’s Jesus’ birthday.  Now, I don’t know Jesus but from what I’ve read, Jesus is the least materialistic person to ever roam the earth.  No bling on Jesus.  Jesus kept a low profile and we turned his birthday into the most materialistic day of the year.  Matter of fact, we have the Jesus birthday season.  It’s a whole season of materialism.  Then, at the end of the Jesus birthday season we have the nerve to have an economist come on TV and tell you how horrible the Jesus birthday season was this year.  Oh, we had a horrible Jesus’ birthday this year.  Hopefully, business will pick up by his Crucifixion.”

 

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Wolf Blitzer July 9, 2014 “This huge immigration crisis.”

Reporter July 5, 2014 “60 to 80 thousand children without parents expected to cross illegally this year.”

Reporter June 22, 2014 “overwhelming US facilities.”

Reporter “There aren’t enough beds, bathrooms, or food.”

Jon Stewart “You’ve got to blame Obama’s immigration policy for this one. You don’t want migrant children? You don’t put up these billboards. (Billboard shows picture of Obama and says ‘Now entering the United States of America – The country with the most candy’). Yea, that’s right. Or, a border length ball pit, it’s not smart. It’s not a smart move. But, you know what? These children are fleeing terrible crime and violence in their home countries seeking embrace in the open and caring arms of mother America. Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.”

Protester in Murrieta, CA July 7th. “Go back to Mexico! Yea! Get out of here!”

Stewart “OK, that wasn’t the Statue of Liberty. And, technically actually many are from Central America, your Honduras, your El Salvador, and of course, as Jesus said I was a stranger and you welcomed me.”

Another protester “Jesus would not break the law.”

Stewart “You mean radical destroyer of the status quo Jesus? Barging into temples, overthrowing tables Jesus, breaking the law was kind of his thing….Look, it’s a difficult humanitarian crisis, but it aint Normandy.”

http://thedailyshow.cc.com/videos/zlzdov/-500–crazies-of-summer

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Religious scholar Reza Aslan said American conservatives are basing their criticism of recent comments made by Pope Francis on a “profoundly unhistorical view of Jesus.”

The pontiff has ruffled the feathers of U.S. conservatives with comments suggesting the church has focused too much on social issues such as abortion, same-sex marriage and contraception, rather than helping the poor.

But his first Apostolic Exhortation released earlier this week, in which the pope denounced the sacred economic theories of the American right – trickle-down economics and an unfettered free market – seems to have been the last straw for Rush Limbaugh and Sarah Palin.

“These two paragons of the far right – both of whom regularly invoke the teachings of Jesus to bolster their own political views – have suddenly turned their backs on the man whose actual job description is to speak for Jesus,” Aslan wrote in a Washington Post column published Thursday.

The Iranian-American scholar noted Palin’s complaint that Pope Francis sounded “kind of liberal” when he decried the growing global income gap between the rich and the poor, although the former vice presidential candidate and reality TV star has since apologized.

But Limbaugh accused the pope of promoting Marxism in comments that had undoubtedly been written by someone else or forced upon him.

“Somebody did get to Pope Francis,” Aslan wrote. “It was Jesus.”

http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2013/11/29/muslim-scholar-reza-aslan-rush-limbaugh-and-sarah-palin-would-call-jesus-a-marxist/

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“Wouldn’t the fundamentalist Christians you know really want to vote for Jesus Christ for president? Who wouldn’t want to vote for an American president who was a peaceful radical nonviolent revolutionary guy who hung out with lepers, hookers and criminals, who never spoke English — was not an American citizen. A guy who was anti-wealth, anti-possessions, anti-self defense, anti-greed, anti-death penalty completely, anti-public prayer (Matthew 6:5 — he was) but never once anti-gay, never mentioned abortion, never really mentioned premarital sex, never justified torture, never called the poor lazy, never asked a leper for a copay, never fought for tax cuts for the wealthiest Nazarenes, and was a long-haired, brown-skinned — it’s in Revelation, I didn’t write it — brown-skinned, homeless, community organizing, pro-womens’ rights, Middle Eastern outrageously liberal reformer Jew.” — John Fugelsang

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John Fugelsang
“Tonight we are thrilled to announce a new segment on the show: ‘Viewpoint’s Revoltingly Fake Christian of the Week.’

Congressman Stephen Fincher, a Republican from Tennessee, just took the Bible so far out of context he had to apply for a visa.

Fincher is a fierce opponent of food aid for poor Americans. You know, like Jesus. He recently fought to cut $4.1 billion from the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program. If you only watch Fox, that means ‘food stamps.’ And thanks to the fine work of Fincher and his colleagues, 2 million working American families, children and seniors have already been cut off from food assistance.

So during a recent House agricultural committee debate, he decided to show how Christian it is to turn your back on unemployed suffering Americans by quoting one of the favorite Bible passages of revoltingly fake right-wing Christians — 2 Thessalonians 3:10 — “anyone unwilling to work should not eat.”

But here’s the thing. Ya see,Thessalonians isn’t God or Jesus talking. It’s believed to have been written by Saint Paul. And in Paul’s day, many apocalyptic Christians believed Jesus was coming back really soon and the world was going to end anyway, so why work? These early rapture-heads were hurting the local economy and threatening the functioning society of Thessalonica — and I do hope I pronounced that right. And Paul makes a good point — the “Left Behind” books may be junk theology, but Kirk Cameron still shows up at his job.

So in that context, the quote makes sense. In Congressman Fincher’s context, it’s pretty much the opposite of everything Jesus Christ ever stood for.

Now, Congressman Fincher went on to say, quoting from the book of selfish toolery, “The role of citizens, of Christians, of humanity is to take care of each other, but not for Washington to steal from those in the country and give to others in the country.” Really, Congressman? Washington steals and gives to others?

Because here’s the other thing — while Fincher was passing bills to take food out of the mouths of the poor, he was supporting a proposal to expand crop insurance by $9 billion, and I’m sure the fact that he is the second most heavily subsidized farmer in Congress and one of the largest subsidy recipients in the history of Tennessee had nothing to do with this.

Between 1999 and 2012, Fincher, opponent of poor, lazy people, put out his tin cup and collected $3.5 million in government money. This guy isn’t just a welfare queen, he’s a welfare kingdom with a moat, a castle and a catapult that shoots government money over the wall into his boiling cauldron of hypocrisy.

The average Tennessee farmer gets a subsidy of $1,500. In 2012 alone, Fincher was cut a government subsidy check for $75,000, which is nearly double the median household income in all of Tennessee.

So he votes to cut food stamps and expand crop insurance subsidies by $9 billion. This guy is swimming in so much dirty pork, he could single-handedly unite the Muslims and the Jews.

The biggest right-wing fake Christian argument is “Yeah, Jesus said help the poor, but he didn’t say the government should steal from me to do it! Benghazi!”

But here’s the thing, Jesus lived under European imperial occupation. He didn’t have democracy. We do. So if you want to follow the teachings of Christ — who constantly talked about caring for the poor — then in a democracy, Christians get a chance to vote for the candidate who will most follow the teachings of Christ and care for the least among us, as he commanded in Matthew 25 — that filthy hippie. ­­

But Fincher and the GOP don’t do that. They cut services for the poor and taxes for the rich. And it’s a free country. They’re allowed. But if you don’t want your tax dollars to help the poor, then stop saying you want a country based on Christian values. Because you don’t. And that’s why representative Fincher is our ‘revoltingly fake Christian of the week’!

http://current.com/shows/viewpoint/videos/john-fugelsang-viewpoint-presents-the-revoltingly-fake-christian-of-the-week/
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http://current.com/shows/viewpoint/videos/john-fugelsang-prop-8-doma-and-why-easter-matters/

 

From the March 28, 2013, edition of “Viewpoint.”

John Fugelsang:

Easter’s always a special time; a time when parents teach their children the story of Jesus by convincing them a rabbit entered their home to leave teeth-rotting candy. It’s a time when pro-death penalty Christians can mark the execution of anti-death penalty Jesus and it’s all irony free.

But whether you regard the Bible as ancient poetry, literal fact, parable — like the way Jesus spoke — the Easter story does have relevance for all of us. It’s a story of pain and suffering, of death and rebirth.

In the story of course, Jesus shows up in Jerusalem on Palm Sunday, gets a hero’s welcome. Over the course of the week he preaches love, drives the money-changers who are exploiting the poor out of the temple.

The conservative religious bosses, the Pharisees, get very nervous and conspire with the occupying European imperial government to have him arrested. And by Friday, the very people who welcomed him have been spin-doctored into demanding his death.

And almost everybody abandons him. He’s locked up by the soldiers, sold out and abandoned by his friends. He’s executed by the state, a naked, bleeding, humiliated, outcast, criminal loser.

And of course, as the story goes, he rises from the tomb on Sunday and does not seek any kind of revenge, just keeps talking about love.

Now we’ve just witnessed what may have been the most powerful few days in the history of the struggle for LGBT rights in America — and it happened during Easter week.

With not one, but two anti-gay laws going before the U.S. Supreme Court, an American public decidedly on the side of gay marriage, and a seemingly endless procession of politicians from both parties who once opposed equality, but have now come to view it as an essential human right.

And none of this would’ve happened without the unspeakable tragedy of the AIDS crisis.

Kids born after the mid ‘90s have no memory of those awful first few years of AIDS, when people suffering from HIV were targets of scorn and cruelty and ignorance. Scientists begged for funding, politicians did nothing and thousands of people died. And if you’ve ever been close to someone who died of HIV-related disease, you know it’s a painful, degrading and demeaning way to go.

But gay people didn’t give up. They organized. They came out of the closet. The AIDS Coalition to Unleash Power, or ACT UP, was formed and began leading demonstrations designed to make the rest of America very uncomfortable. People didn’t wait for their rights; they demanded them.

And as more people came out, more Americans realized they didn’t really hate gay people. They already knew some.

In 2012, the first openly gay and openly bisexual Americans were elected into Congress and that same fall the president of the United States came out in favor of marriage equality before an important election. No doubt the White House had focus-grouped this thing to death and they knew the reality: that America was ready to be on the right side of decency and the right side of history.

And what did we see through this revolution of culture, this evolution of the heart? The greatest, swiftest advancement for civil rights for any minority group in the history of the human race. And all this good happened because of a plague.

That’s the story that led us to this particular Easter week. And that’s the story of Easter

 

 

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John Fugelsang:

Tonight’s F Bomb is a very special Eastertime bundle of good news for right-wing Christian homophobes, those hopeless romantics whose faith hinges on the belief that Jesus eats at Chick-fil-A and hates the same people they do.

And this story begins in the great state of Washington in the town of Richland. Rob Ingersoll’s a guy who just got engaged to his partner of nine years and throughout their courtship, Rob has often sent his fiance flowers from Arlene’s Flowers, where the owner, Baronelle Stutzman, has happily handled all his romantic, gay floral needs.

Until now.

Because when Mr. Ingersoll asked Ms. Stutzman to do the flowers for his wedding, she said, “I am sorry, I can’t do your wedding because of my relationship with Jesus Christ.”

Now some of you might get angry at that and want to say mean things about Ms. Stutzman. After all, people opposed to same-sex marriages tend to be trapped in lame-sex marriages. But here’s the first bit of good news for all the right-wing Christian homophobes who’d love to stop discriminating if it weren’t for that meddling Messiah.

Jesus never once said a single negative thing about gay people. But some Christian homophobes have an argument they use against marriage equality from Matthew 19:4, where Jesus is written to have said: “Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female?”

However, like most Bible passages used by the anti-gay Christians, it’s taken totally out of context. Because when you read the whole chapter of Matthew 19, the first thing you realize is Jesus is talking about divorce, not the gays.

See in the line before, the Pharisees — the conservative religious bosses — ask J.C. if it’s lawful for a guy to put away his wife for every cause. Might surprise you — early-first-century law in the Holy Land wasn’t exactly pro-women’s rights. Parts of the Bible are like the gospel according to Ike Turner.

In Deuteronomy it says a man can throw his wife out when he “no longer delights in her,” something Limbaugh’s apparently done three times.

So Christ reminds them marriage is supposed to be for life. Then they bring up divorce laws, and Jesus — like the long-haired, homeless rebel that he was — says if you kick out your wife for any reason other than adultery and you marry someone else, then you’ve committed adultery yourself.

What this is, is Jesus is standing up for women’s rights. So it’s really two bits of good news, right-wing Christians. Not only do you not have to hate gay people anymore, you don’t get to hate feminists, either.

So we wish Mr. Ingersoll and his partner a very long and a very happy marriage, and we wish his florist luck in finding a new name for her religion. Because, you see, according to the actual Bible verse the homophobes have been using, it’s pretty clear: If you’re a Christian who really just cares about “protecting marriage,” then it’s time to stop fighting gay weddings and start fighting straight divorce.

http://current.com/shows/viewpoint/videos/john-fugelsang-good-news-for-right-wing-christian-homophobes/

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http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/424177/february-26-2013/popewatch-indeschism-2013—one-pope-over-the-line

Stephen Colbert “We all know that when a Cardinal is elevated to the Papacy he becomes the heir of Saint Peter, and therefore chooses a new name.  So, naturally, now that Benedict the 16th is leaving office, he has asked that we call him simply, Benedict the 16th.  OK, OK, that’s understandable.  He doesn’t want to get new towels and stuff.  But folks, that’s not all.  He says he’s still going to be Pope Emeritus, we’ll have to call him His Holiness, he’ll continue to wear the white robes, and live in the Vatican.  Folks, that means there’s going to be two Pontiffs.  We’re one Pope over the line, sweet Jesus, one Pope over the line.”

 

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John Fugelsang “Friends, here’s the bible lesson for the day, and it might come in handy for Christians, or atheists, or sane people of any faiths.  Because, right wing gun enthusiast Christians have new ammo in their fight to prove you can be a follower of Jesus while also enjoying weapons designed to kill lots of people in a short amount of time.  It’s Luke 22:36 and it’s become a mantra for fun loving, gun loving, father and the the son loving Christians.  And whatever you think of religion, you may well encounter this taking point.  It’s part of Luke’s account of what happened to Jesus right before the Roman soldiers came to arrest him, throw him in a Roman prison, and execute him with a Roman crucifix, or as Glen Beck puts it, killed by the Jews.  Now, in Luke 22:36 Jesus tells his apostles that he that hath no sword, let him sell his garment and buy one.  Now, this might surprise some of you who don’t remember the part in the Bible when Jesus turned water into a vest (?).  But, go ahead and search Luke 22:36 on Twitter.  Tons of Christians are throwing this around like the last part of the second amendment, conveniently forgetting the well regulated militia part.  It suits their tastes just fine, as long as you don’t read the rest, and put it all into context.  And, they’re saying this means Jesus is pro gun, the modern day sword.  But, what Jesus is really doing is talking about prophecy and being a criminal.  Because, as soon as Jesus throws down his line about buying a sword, he adds that they only need swords because the prophecy says they’re meant to be criminals.  Quote ‘For I say unto you that this that is written must yet be accomplished in me, and he was reckoned among the transgressors.’  See, he’s not talking about defending yourself, he’s talking about having a sword as a prop so he can get arrested and fulfill the prophecy.  And the very next line the apostles say, hey Jesus, we’ve already got two swords here with us, and Jesus says that’s enough.  Jesus never sends them out to buy swords, no one ever buys a sword, and in fact when the jack-sandaled government thugs swoop in to arrest him, also known as Alex Jones’ wet dream, it’s Peter who pulls a sword and cuts off some guy’s ear.  Does Jesus join the fight?  No, he heals the wounded guy and tells his friends those who live by the sword, shall die by the sword.  In other words, my Judeo-Christian friends, Jesus never comes out against owning swords, but he’s pretty seriously against using them.  Of course, if Jesus had an AK-47 he could have mowed down the Romans, never been crucified, never had a religion named for him, and none of us would have to know who Pat Robertson was.  So remember, the best weapon for refuting these Bible thumpers, tends to be the Bible itself.  Because, the only way you can cling to both the Bible and a gun, is if you totally agree to not read the Jesus parts.  Here endeth the lesson.”

http://thenewcivilrightsmovement.com/fugelsang-the-only-way-you-can-cling-to-both-a-bible-and-a-gun-is-to-ignore-jesus/politics/2013/01/19/58723