Archive for the ‘HBO’ Tag

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Bill Maher “If Secret Service agents are going to get drunk and crash their car into the White House they, at least, have to try to hit one of the nuts jumping the fence.”

 

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John Oliver speaking about the report from the Justice Department about the Ferguson, MO Police department “Now, the rest of the report didn’t just show evidence of disproportionate targeting and violence against African Americans, it also showed this.”

Reporter “Investigators say that they found e-mails from court officials and police officers that were racial jokes that referenced President Obama.”

Another reporter “Another message in June 2011 compared dogs to African Americans suggesting the animals needed welfare because they were ‘mixed in color, unemployed, lazy, can’t speak English, and have no frigging clued who their daddies are’.”

Oliver “It is moments like this that make me glad I’m on HBO, where you can hear me say this.  Bleep those bleeping bleepholes!  This is what swearing is for.”

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John Oliver “On Friday there was some terrible news.”

Reporter “We are following the breaking story out of Moscow, the murder of Russian opposition leader Boris Nemtsov.  The 55 year old opposition politician was gunned down less than two days before he was to lead a large rally against Russian President Vladimir Putin.”

Oliver “Wow, that would seem like a shocking coincidence if you knew literally nothing about Russia. Nemtsov is just the latest in a long line of Putin’s enemies to find themselves mysteriously imprisoned or dead.  In fact, just a few weeks ago Nemtsov was asked in an interview if he was afraid that Putin might kill him, and his answer was “yes, a little bit”.  In fact, at the end of that interview the journalist said to him “I hope common sense prevails and Putin will not kill you”, which sounds chilling, but to be fair, “I hope Putin will not kill you” is just how Russian people say goodbye to each other.”

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Bill Maher “Hey, who’s ready for a little free speech in America?  Because, I tell you something, if there was a theme to the news in the time we were off, it would be no joking.  No joking.  There are people in the world who just don’t like you joking about them.  You know, North Korea, they don’t like it.  These bleeps in Paris who shot cartoonists this week, they don’t like it.  And as a jokester, I just have to say, the world needs to stand as one and, to quote the immortal Dick Cheney, say go bleep yourself.  And, let me tell you something, the incredibly courageous staff of this French magazine, Charlie Hebdot, they said that loud and clear this week ’cause they announced yesterday not only are they going to put out the next edition on time, but with a million extra copies.  Yea, I mean, my heroes.  compare that to Sony who pulled The Interview after one online threat.  Congratulations Sony, you put up less resistance than the French.  Wow, oh they’re scaredy pants, they also shut down production on the next Guardians Of The Galaxy movie because raccoons complained about their portrayal.”

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“When people watch Jon Stewart or John Oliver, they at least feel like they’re getting that person’s perspective,” said comedian W. Kamau Bell. “I don’t think people believe with the news—I think they feel you’re getting a corporation’s perspective.”

“You feel like you trust a comedian more than you would trust someone who’s a member of the media who’s being fed information for different reasons, from different political groups,” writer Laura Krafft added.

 

 

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Bill Maher speaking about the Republican reaction to President Obama’s executive order on immigration “They’re so paranoid, Michele Bachmann (R-MN) said these illegal immigrants, they’re gonna to be voting.  OK, there’s no evidence of illegal immigrants ever voting, although they should.  There’s another job Americans won’t do.”

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Bill Maher “New rule, when it comes to being baited into going to war, America has to try a little harder to not be so bleeping easy!  Just a few months ago, polls showed Americans were sick of war.  They’d had enough.  They were anxious to stay out of the Middle-East.  Then they saw two beheadings and overnight they were like, oh war, we can’t stay mad at you.  You know, conservatives love to vilify anyone who doesn’t want to immediately throw down as appeasers, but when you’re dealing with terrorists who’s aim is to bait us into overreaction, and you oblige them, aren’t you the appeaser?”

 

 

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John Oliver “Speaking of the President, he ended this week having to deal with the imminent release of a major report on the CIA and torture. Leaks suggest that this country is about to have to confront the brutality that has been committed in it’s name.  And, the President attempted to prepare us all for that in a bizarrely casual way.”

President Obama “We did some things that were wrong.  We did a whole lot of things that were right.  But, we tortured some folks.”

Oliver “What? Folks?  When you are admitting one of the darkest chapters in recent American history, it’s maybe best to not come off like an old man in a Country Time lemonade commercial.  ‘Well, that was the day I met your grandmother.  We spent the whole afternoon at the county fair.  Then, that night we tortured some folks.  We did it, and we’ve been together, that’s our story.’  Even the CIA’s conduct toward the Senate committee that wrote the report is proving to be controversial.  Back in March Diane Feinstein (D-CA) accused them of hacking in to the Senate committee’s computers, which CIA director John Brennan thought sounded crazy.”

Brennan March 11, 2014 “The allegations of CIA hacking into Senate computers, nothing could be further from the truth.  We wouldn’t do that.  That’s just beyond the scope of reason.”

Oliver “Uh huh, OK, beyond the scope of reason.  I get it.  Guess what?”

Reporter “CIA director John Brennan apologized today after an internal investigation determined the agency had spied on staff members of the United States Senate.”

Oliver “OK, so it wasn’t so much beyond the scope of reason as it was nestled extremely deep within the scope of reason…This man has either lied to Senators or been guilty of not knowing what his own agency was doing.  At the very least this has got to knock the President’s confidence in John Brennan.”

President Obama “I have full confidence in John Brennan.”

Oliver “How?  How is that possible?  The only way you can have full 100% confidence in him, is if you somehow had 300% confidence in him before all of this happened. In fact Mr President, let me try and put this in terms you might understand.  You really might want to consider disciplining some folks.”

 

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Bill Maher “Obama is still dealing with the crisis on our border.  He met yesterday with the Presidents of Guatemala, and Honduras, and El Salvador and he was trying to tell them to tell your citizens not to come to this country, and if they do, they will not be allowed to stay, unless they’ve got a great curve ball.  Then, we’re all good.”

 

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John Oliver talking about President Obama’s Day In The Life tour to meet regular Americans “Sure, he wants to meet us regular folks, fine.  First stop in the Day In The Life tour this week was Denver.”

Reporter “He shook hands with dozens lining the sidewalks, he even ran into someone who, for some unknown reason, was wearing a horse head mask.  How did he get in?”

Oliver “I think my favorite thing in that photo is the face of the Secret Service guy.  That is a man who knows he has got a tough conversation with the President in five minutes.”

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