Archive for the ‘General David Petraeus’ Tag

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Stewart “So, age old story.  Boy meets girl, boy marries girl, boy gets promoted, boy bangs underling.  Nothing more, nothing less.  Or is there?”

Fox Pundit #1 11-12-12″This was announced on Friday, three days after the Presidential election.  Was it held?”

Peggy Noonan 11-11″When was the White House told?  You have to wonder what the heck is this.”

Fox Pundit #2 11-11 “Awfully convenient to be told Tuesday at 5pm of election day, which is the story now.  Frankly, it doesn’t pass the smell test.”

Stewart “It has a yucky smell.  Conspiracy 1, the FBI held back the Petraeus affair story to prevent Obama from losing the election.  Why Petraeus’ affair would have any effect on the election, I’m not sure.  The point is, if only a Republican had known about this prior to election day.  Ha ha.”

Reporter 11-12 “House Majority Leader Eric Cantor said an FBI employee told him in October about the Petraeus affair.”

Stewart “Oh.  The real question is, why is Eric Cantor protecting the President?  All right, conspiracy 1 down.  Why would the administration want to take out Petraeus now?”

Fox Pundit #3 11-10 “This is highly suspicious in it’s timing.”

Fox Pundit #4 11-12 “A few days before Petraeus was set to testify about what he knew about Benghazi and what the CIA did.  It just doesn’t make sense.”

Fox Pundit #5 11-12 “So many people are saying, well, that’s kind of suspicious.”

Fox Pundit #6 “This is suspicious.”

Fox Pundit #7 “Now he’s not going to testify folks.”

Stewart “They jacked him.  Right before he was about to testify on Benghazi.  Conspiracy 2, now we’ll never know what Petraeus knew, unless quitting is different from dying.  And it has no bearing on whether Petraeus will have to testify.”

Fox Pundit #8 “That’s a little bit nonsense.  He will be summoned up to the hill and he will testify.”

Stewart “Or will he?  Oh, he will.  Of course, Petraeus has already spoken to Congress once about Benghazi.  We know what that’s worth.”

Fox Pundit #9 “What did David Petraeus do right after we started to find out about Benghazi?  He seemed to side with the White House in the analysis that it was the video tape.  Why did David Petraeus side with the White House in that testimony?  He knew he was under investigation for his personal life, but is there more to this story about why he said that?”

Stewart “Conspiracy 3, either the President of the United States blackmailed the head of the CIA, forcing him to agree with the administrations lie, or that theory is stupid.  Still, though we don’t have the facts, we do have feelings.”

Peggy Noonan 11-11 “this is one of those what the heck is going on kind of moments…This feels a little like Homeland, almost.”

Stewart “Really?  Like the show Homeland?  ‘Cause it’s not Homeland.  It’s Melrose Place.”—david-petraeus-resigns