Archive for the ‘Gaza’ Tag

Quote of the Day   Leave a comment

Jon Stewart “Here is something I do not get to say very much at all lately, good news from the Middle East.”

Reporter “A 12 hour humanitarian cease-fire between Israel and Hamas.”

Reporter “There were no civilians being shelled, there were no rockets in the skies of Tel Aviv.”

Stewart “Finally, a cease-fire that, OK 12 hours. It’s only scheduled to last as long as a decent dose of Sudafed. But still, it is some relief, we can build on this.”

Reporter “Sunday, it took all of 10 minutes for the fragile cease-fire expired at 8am for Hamas to send rockets into Israel.”

Stewart “Bleep! I guess the real question was what was going on during those 10 minutes. ‘Hello, people. Humanitarian cease-fire ended 10 minutes ago. Tick tock. The never ending hatred in this region isn’t going to bomb itself'”.

….

Reporter “The UN Security Council called for an immediate, unconditional cease-fire.”

Stewart “Boom! Unconditional! Not that such resolutions are in any way enforceable or meaningful. But still, when a resolution is issued…”

Reporter “The United Nations Security Council took action with a statement, not a resolution.”

Stewart “Even a resolution was too much? ‘Guys, I don’t know. A resolution seems pretty stern, pretty stern guys. Even a statement, I don’t know. What’s the death toll? A thousand and growing? What about we just jump in with a hmm, hey guys. You know, if that gets push back, we can take it down a notch. I mean, we’re only a collection of the world’s super powers'”.

http://thedailyshow.cc.com/videos/w2vuc9/truce-defective

Quote of the Day   Leave a comment

Stewart speaking about the war between Israel and Gaza “This is such a depressing, cyclical status quo. where the untenable underlying conditions are never addressed.  There are no winners here.  Or, to put that a different way…”

Pundit 1.) “Who was the big winner, do you think, here?”

Pundit 2.) “There are two clear winners.”

Pundit 3.) “Who are the losers and who are the winners?”

Stewart “You really miss the election, don’t you?  Is everything about the winners and losers and the horse race?  Even intractable bloodshed is just another chance to see who’s incrementally up or incrementally down.  And, by the way, winners and losers, in what game?  Sandy Land?  Hungry Hungry Hebrews?  Or, maybe it’s the old family favorite, Monotony (A game of momentary respite from implacable historical hatred), where violence is the day to day norm.  It’s a game where angrily flipping over the board is how you start.  And don’t get them started about where you can put up houses.  You can’t put up a house on Baltic Avenue.  I own Baltic Avenue.  Stop calling it Baltic Avenue, it’s called the dark purple territories and it was given to my people before this game was even invented.  Now, get your thimble off my schnauzer.  So, no winners.”

Pundit 4.) “There’s a military side of this, which Israel clearly won.”

Stewart “Oh, yes, Israel clearly won.  Israel’s in great shape now.  There’s no winners!”

Pundit 5.) “Hamas emerges as a big winner from this conflict.”

Pundit 6.) “Hamas is a winner here.”

Stewart “So, Israel won and Hamas won.  Did I say no winners?  I meant two winners.”

Pundit 6.) “President Obama is a winner here.  Netanyahu is a winner here.  Hillary Clinton is a winner here.”

Pundit 7.) “Egypt has definitely emerged as the winner in all this.”

Stewart “Did anyone lose this bleeping thing?  Did anybody lose?  Did anybody actually lose in this bloody conflict that killed over 150 people?

Pundit 8.) “The loser in all this is Mahmoud Abbas.”

Pundit 9.) “Iran is the main loser in this conflict.”

Stewart “So, the only two losers in the war between Israel and Gaza, are people that don’t live in either of those places.  So, the lesson here is that the next time your region descends into a war, you’ve gotta be in it to win it.”