Archive for the ‘Dick Cheney’ Tag

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Bill Maher “Hey, who’s ready for a little free speech in America?  Because, I tell you something, if there was a theme to the news in the time we were off, it would be no joking.  No joking.  There are people in the world who just don’t like you joking about them.  You know, North Korea, they don’t like it.  These bleeps in Paris who shot cartoonists this week, they don’t like it.  And as a jokester, I just have to say, the world needs to stand as one and, to quote the immortal Dick Cheney, say go bleep yourself.  And, let me tell you something, the incredibly courageous staff of this French magazine, Charlie Hebdot, they said that loud and clear this week ’cause they announced yesterday not only are they going to put out the next edition on time, but with a million extra copies.  Yea, I mean, my heroes.  compare that to Sony who pulled The Interview after one online threat.  Congratulations Sony, you put up less resistance than the French.  Wow, oh they’re scaredy pants, they also shut down production on the next Guardians Of The Galaxy movie because raccoons complained about their portrayal.”

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Jon Stewart “Well, by now we’ve all had an opportunity to digest, in all its putrid glory, the shocking acts carried out by our government after 9/11 in the name of keeping us safe.  From forced rectal hydration to a half naked prisoner dying of hypothermia chained to a floor.  On the other hand, isn’t 24 hours long enough for us to feel bad about ourselves as a country?  There’s got to be myriad ways we can minimize this.  To the push back mobile.”

Reporter “George Tenet was the head of the CIA…He maintains that it wasn’t torture.”

Reporter “Dick Cheney is slamming the release of this report and the references to, he says, so called torture.”

Reporter speaking to former CIA director Michael Hayden “General, do you think what took place was torture?”

Hayden “No, legally not.”

Stewart “Look, I understand the release of this report puts these gentlemen in a stressful and painful position and that they would probably say anything to make it stop.  But, not torture?  I mean, sleep deprivation, forced stress positions, waterboarding, beatings.  I’m sorry, I’m reading that from what the Germans did to US soldiers and our allies in World War II, which we subsequently treated as war crimes and prosecuted in the Nuremberg trials.  My confusion.”

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Jon Stewart “I didn’t realize the level of despotism of Obama was so great.  I’m convinced.  Let’s rid ourselves of the tyrant.”

Rep Randy Weber (R-TX) July 15, 2014 “We do need to do this, methodically and correctly, and do it the right way.  So I don’t think it’s practical that we impeach him right now, but he definitely deserves it.”

Stewart “Wait, what the huh?  … Are you American Randy Weber of not?  Patrick Henry didn’t say give me liberty, or if not now it’s fine, I understand, we’re busy.  Come on.  Don’t tell me you can’t squeeze one little tyrant impeachment into your busy schedule of not passing laws.  What’s really going on here?”

Dick Cheney July 15, 2014 “I think that gets to be a bit of a distraction, just like the impeachment of Bill Clinton did.”

Rep John Duncan (R-TN) July 15, 2014 “Nothing would fire up the base of the Democrats more than an impeachment action…It would turn off some of the independents who are right now leaning our way.”

Stewart “And all that is really how you know all this talk of tyranny is BS.  Because, when your main concern about deposing a tyrant is how it will effect your party’s chances in the upcoming mid-term elections, that’s not tyranny.”


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Dick Cheney June 17, 2014 “The policies of the last six years have left America diminished and weakened…Iran is marching toward a nuclear weapon, Al Queda is resurgent, establishing new safe havens across the Middle East, including in Iraq where President Obama withdrew all American forces with no stay behind agreement. ”

Jon Stewart “…You know what?  Here’s what’s upsetting about this guy.  Bleeping guy acts like we were 20 seconds away from total victory in Iraq when suddenly Obama just gives it away at mid-field and then Osama Bin Laden crosses it and Isis heads it home, God, how did we blow that game?  By the way Mr Cheney there, who was it that negotiated withdrawal of American forces with no stay behind agreement, and in fact, bragged about it in 2009?”

Dick Cheney January 4, 2009 “We’ve now entered into a strategic framework agreement with the Iraqis that calls for ultimately the US completion of the assignment and withdrawal of our forces from Iraq.  Now all of those things, by anybody’s standard, would be evidence of significant success.”—300


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John Fugelsang “Dick Cheney outraged that Obama would try to cut size of military, like Sec of Def Dick Cheney did in 1991.”



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Stewart “But it’s not Obama’s security successes that have his critics so upset, but it’s that we know so much about these successes.  The administration is being accused of allowing damaging security leaks to burnish their own reputation, and this is the problem”

Judy Miller Fox News Contributor August 6, 2012 “This is the problem.  These leaks, especially the kind of leaks that are being investigated now by not one, but two special prosecutors, they are truly injurious to the national security, they jeopardize our security as a nation, they make it harder to implement foreign policy.”

Stewart “They are jeopardizingly injurious.  Thank you Judy Miller, formerly of the NY Times.  Let’s show and example of how these injurious leaks could be used in a damaging way.  Let’s use and example from, I don’t know, September 8, 2002.  Let’s say somebody in the Bush administration wants the public to believe that Sadaam Hussein is actually reconstituting his nuclear weapons of mass destruction program.  We’ll call that guy Vice President Dick Cheney.  The administration would leak that information about the nuclear reconstitution to a high ranking NY Times reporter, let’s call that person Judy Miller.  Judy Miller would then report that information in the NY Times, at which point the Vice President Cheney would go on Meet The Press.”

Dick Cheney September 8, 2012 on Meet The Press “There’s a story in the NY Times this morning, uhm, this is, and I want to attribute this to the Times…He now is trying, through his illicit procurement network, to acquire the equipment he needs to be able to enrich uranium.”

Stewart “You see what this bleeping guy just did… The story that Cheney is citing about this reconstituted program is the one that his administration planted through Judy Miller in the NY Times.  And now to bring the thing full circle, she’s on television as the expert on why other people telling you is not good, when in reality, the move that she is describing should be called pulling a Miller.”