Archive for the ‘Congress’ Tag

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Jon Stewart “It was the State Of The Union address the Republicans wanted, delivered by leader they wish they had.  And, Netanyahu wasted no time explaining why there was no time to waste.”

Benjamin Netanyahu speaking before Congress March 3, 2015 “That’s why this deal is so bad.  It doesn’t block Iran’s path to the bomb, it paves Iran’s path to the bomb….Iran’s breakout time would be very short, about a year by US assessment, even shorter by Israel’s.”

Stewart “Well of course, the Jewish assessment will be a little shorter, we like to cut a little off at the tip.  But, holy bleep, one year.  Bibi, if Iran’s that close, why didn’t you bring your urgent warning about Iran going nuclear sooner?  Oh wait, you did.  Apparently time was also running out 19 years ago.”

Benjamin Netanyahu speaking before CongressJuly 10, 1996 “The most dangerous of these regimes is Iran…If this regime, or it’s despotic neighbor Iraq, were to acquire nuclear weapons, this could presage catastrophic consequences…Only the United States can lead this vital international effort to stop the nuclearization of terrorists states….Time is running out.  We have to act.”


Stewart “But, this brings up the difficult issue.  What many in our government love about Netanyahu is his conviction and his certainty.”

Netanyahu to Congress March 3, 2015 “In the Middle East, Iran now dominates four Arab capitals, Baghdad, Damascus, Beirut,and Sana.”

Stewart “We have to act.  Look how Iran has expanded it’s power since the fall of Saddam Hussein and the destabilization of the region.  I mean, what kind of an idiot wouldn’t have seen that coming in 2002?  Oh Shalom.”

Netanyahu September 12, 2002 “If you take out Saddam, Saddam’s regime, I guarantee you that it will have enormous positive reverberations on the region….The reverberations of what happens with the collapse of Saddam’s regime could very well create an implosion in a neighboring regime like Iran.”

Stewart “Or, the opposite.”



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Ynet News spoke with former ambassadors Moshe Arens, Moshe Arad, Itamar Rabinovich, Shimon Peres, Danny Ayalon, Sallai Meridor, and Michael Oren, Dermer’s immediate predecessor. Their combined service dates back to the early 1980s.

“If the prime minister is perceived to be meddling in US politics, it has implications for the Jewish community,” Arad said.

“If he were to convince me that his actions were of benefit with regard to Iran, despite the cost of the damage to our relations with the United States, I’d support him,” Meridor said. “But we are paying a double price, and Congress in the end isn’t united against Iran. His appearance before Congress won’t be beneficial and may even hurt the things for which he is going there.”

Or as Rabinovich put it most succinctly: “He made a mistake – period.”


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President Barack Obama “To those members of Congress who question my authority to make our immigration system work better, or question the wisdom of me acting where Congress has failed, I have one answer: Pass a bill,”


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Jon Stewart “But House Speaker Boehner, you believe the President is going about this all wrong.”
Speaker of the House Rep John Boehner (R-OH) “If the goal is to destroy ISIS, as the President says it is, I don’t believe the strategy that he outlined will accomplish that.”
Reporter speaking to Boehner “You would recommend putting American boots on the ground?”
Boehner “We have no choice…These are barbarians.  They intend to kill us.  If we don’t destroy them first, we’re going to pay the price.”
Stewart “The President has the wrong strategy to destroy the barbarians who will kill us all.  The barbarians at our gate, not necessarily our gate, but a few gates away, then there’s, obviously, the ocean.  But the point is barbarians.  So, I get it Boehner, let’s have the debate and we need to do it now.”
Reporter “John Boehner, Speaker of the House, said today ‘I think the House and the Congress itself should speak, (but) doing this with a whole group of members who are on their way out the door, I don’t think that is the right way to handle this’.”
Stewart “You said the barbarians were trying to kill us.  Setting aside that thanks to incumbency favoring electoral practices roughly 90% of the members who are on their way out the door in these mid terms, will be coming right back in through the door.  And, if your point is that these are ruthless barbarians who threaten our very existence and must be killed immediately, by the new Congress which takes over in January, I mean is there someone who can perhaps lay out the cynical underpinnings for this position by our brave Congress?”
Reporter “Jack Kingston, a Republican Congressman from Georgia had a very interesting quote in the NY Times Yesterday. ‘A lot of people would like to stay on the sideline and say just bomb the place and tell us about it later.  It’s an election year.  A lot of Democrats don’t know how it would play in their party and Republicans don’t want to change anything.  We like the path we’re on now.  We can denounce it if it goes bad and praise it if it goes well and ask what took him so long;”
Stewart “Holy bleep.  In a time of war, our Congressional inaction is pure political calculation.  Our legislators refuse to debate publicly one of the most crucial issues of our time, for fear that we will hear them.  Finally, Jack Kingston has the guts to say out loud what these cowards are up to.  I wonder why he decided to say these things.”
Reporter “Last night, businessman David Perdue defeated defeated Congressman Jack Kingston in the Republican Senate primary runoff.”
Stewart “Oh, he spoke honestly because he’s leaving Congress.  You know what, the rest of you bleeps, get back to Washington and debate and vote on this thing, or maybe it’s time to tell Mom (shows picture of Queen Elizabeth II) we’re moving home.”

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Reporter July 8, 2014 “The White House today asked Congress for 3.7 billion dollars to deal with the flood of unaccompanied children coming into the United States illegally.”

Jon Stewart “3.7 billion dollars.  That’s a lot of money.  Congress?”

Rep Michael McCaul (R-TX) “We’re not going to write a blank check for over 4 billion dollars.”

Stewart “Real quick, you do realize, house chairman of homeland security, that a blank check can’t be for a specific number.  You know that.  Once you write a specific number, 4 billion, 2 billion, whatever it is, it looses the vital quality of blankness.  It’s not blank anymore.  I don’t know if we should really elect people that don’t know how checks work.”

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Barack Obama at the 2014 White House Correspondents dinner

I admit it. Last year was rough. Sheesh!
At one point things got so bad, the 47 percent called Mitt Romney to apologize.

Of course, we rolled out That could have gone better.
In 2008, my slogan was “Yes, we can”. In 2013 my slogan was Control, alt, delete.

I want to thank the White House correspondents’ association for hosting us here tonight. I am happy to be here even though I am a little jet lagged from my trip to Malaysia, the lengths we have to go to the get CNN coverage these days. I think they’re still searching for their table

And speaking of conservative heroes, the Koch brothers bought a table here tonight. But as usual they used a shadowy right wing organization as a front. Hello, FOX News.

I’m just kidding. Let’s face it, FOX, you’ll miss me when I’m gone. It will be harder to convince the American people that Hillary was born in Kenya.

One issue, for example we haven’t been able to agree on is unemployment insurance. Republicans continue to refuse to extend it.
And you know what? I am beginning to think they’ve got a point. If you want to get paid while not working, you should have to run for Congress, just like everybody else.

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Jon Stewart talking about Obama’s speech about the NSA “Hey, you know what would undermine all this reform talk? If these changes contained any glaring loopholes.”

Obama “The database can be queried only after a judicial finding, or in the case of a true emergency …It will terminate within a fixed time, unless the government demonstrates a real need for further secrecy.”

Stewart “So, basically the rule is we will totally follow the rules, until such time that we determine we will no longer follow the rules. But don’t worry about it, you won’t hear about it, ’cause we’re going to do it in secret. You know what? I’m sorry. I’m being pessimistic. Are these safeguards perfect? Of course not, but at least the President is trying to earn back the trust of the American people by demonstrating the seriousness of purpose. So, how do we move these reforms forward?”

Obama “I’m open to working with Congress to insure that we build a broad consensus for how to move forward.”

Stewart “So, we’re never doing this.”—surveillance-state-history

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Last night, Stephen Colbert praised Nevada Assemblyman Jim Wheeler for staying true to his constituents.

Earlier this week, Wheeler responded to a criticism that “he was so weak, if they wanted him to, he would vote for slavery,” by saying “if the citizens of District 39 wanted to make slavery legal, I would vote for slavery.”

“That’s right,” Colbert said, “when elect someone, we become his master and he must do what we say under the threat of violence. There’s only one word for that: democracy.”

After playing clips of Assemblyman Wheeler’s critics condemning his statements, Colbert declared that “this is nothing more than a liberal hit job. The media twisted Wheeler’s statement all around.”

“As he made clear on his web site in a carefully worded ‘Explaination,’ the accusations against him are ‘absurd’ to ‘anyone that views the comments in context.’”

“Exactly,” Colbert said. “So let me give you the entire context to clear this up: someone said he would vote to bring back slavery, and he responded, ‘Yes, I would.’”

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Stewart “For those just joining the story in progress, our government is going to shut down in 57 of your earth minutes because House Republicans are refusing to fund the government unless the rest of Congress delays implementation of the Affordable Care Act, also known as Obamacare, also known as the end of America as we know it for reasons no one is able to clearly explain.”

Stewart “Are you familiar with how the world works? Did you see the Giants game on Sunday? OK, they lost 31 to 7. And you know what the Giants didn’t say after that game? If you don’t give us 25 more points by midnight on Monday, we will shut down the bleeping NFL.”–shutdown-eve

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John Oliver “Luckily, there are some people in Congress who are paying attention.”

Fox anchor June 18th “Within the last hour, a statement from Republican Congressman Justin Amash (R-MI) and the ranking Democrat on the House Judiciary Committee John Conyers (D-MI), who are introducing legislation to limit the collection of phone records, and force secret national security court opinions to be public.”

MSNBC anchor “This strange coalition, very liberal and very conservative, you don’t often hear that these days.”

Oliver “That’s right.  Not only is Congress actually responding to this scandal, Democrats and Republicans are actually working together.  That feels strange.  It’s like when an animal becomes friends with a totally different animal (shows picture of a small monkey hugging a bird).  It’s lovely to see, but something about it just feels wrong.  Sure, maybe they’re going to work together to get a banana out of a tree.  But, call me cynical, once that fruit hits the ground, you’re going to end up with a dead bird and a blind monkey, both laying next to a rotten banana.”