Archive for the ‘Comedy Central’ Tag

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Larry Wilmore speaking about protests like the one in Ferguson “It’s not that these protests are less focused it’s just that the goals are less tangible.  In the old days it was about being able to sit at a lunch counter, or going to the same schools, or even voting.  Today, we’re just trying to not get shot on our way to work.  Now look, I know it sounds like I’m exaggerating, people may think Hey Larry, calm down, calm down.  Police aren’t targeting black guys  OK.  Roll 122”

Reporter Channel 6 “Tonight a South Florida family is outraged by this image right here and others.  They say North Miami Beach used it, and the images of five other minorities as targets during weapons training.”

Outraged family member “People that are out there supposed to be protecting us are using us as target practice.”

Wilmore “That story was reported way back in today.  The police in Florida are literally using pictures of young black men as targets.  Now, how can we see that and be surprised when it happens in real life?  I’m not surprised when Kobe hits a jumper, that dude practices.”

 http://www.cc.com/video-clips/wli9ro/the-nightly-show-state-of-the-black-protest

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The host of “The Daily Show” couldn’t understand how the President skipped the rally given “how many world leaders he could’ve bowed down to and apologized to.”

“How could the U.S. not be there when representatives from such beacons of freedom and lack of censorship as journalist-punishing Russia was there?” he asked.

“Journalist-jailing Turkey was there!” he continued. “Egypt, ’nuff said! Palestinian cartoonist-jailing Israel was there!”

Stewart saved special praise for “our greatest ally” Saudi Arabia.

“A little out of breath, having just days ago flogged a blogger,” he noted, referencing the liberal journalist who on Friday was publibly lashed by that country’s ultra-conservative religious government.

 

http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/jon-stewart-paris-march

 

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“When people watch Jon Stewart or John Oliver, they at least feel like they’re getting that person’s perspective,” said comedian W. Kamau Bell. “I don’t think people believe with the news—I think they feel you’re getting a corporation’s perspective.”

“You feel like you trust a comedian more than you would trust someone who’s a member of the media who’s being fed information for different reasons, from different political groups,” writer Laura Krafft added.

 

 

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Jon Stewart “Well, by now we’ve all had an opportunity to digest, in all its putrid glory, the shocking acts carried out by our government after 9/11 in the name of keeping us safe.  From forced rectal hydration to a half naked prisoner dying of hypothermia chained to a floor.  On the other hand, isn’t 24 hours long enough for us to feel bad about ourselves as a country?  There’s got to be myriad ways we can minimize this.  To the push back mobile.”

Reporter “George Tenet was the head of the CIA…He maintains that it wasn’t torture.”

Reporter “Dick Cheney is slamming the release of this report and the references to, he says, so called torture.”

Reporter speaking to former CIA director Michael Hayden “General, do you think what took place was torture?”

Hayden “No, legally not.”

Stewart “Look, I understand the release of this report puts these gentlemen in a stressful and painful position and that they would probably say anything to make it stop.  But, not torture?  I mean, sleep deprivation, forced stress positions, waterboarding, beatings.  I’m sorry, I’m reading that from what the Germans did to US soldiers and our allies in World War II, which we subsequently treated as war crimes and prosecuted in the Nuremberg trials.  My confusion.”

http://thedailyshow.cc.com/videos/h3d8hb/america-s-got-torture

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Jon Stewart “I think what is so utterly depressing is that none of the ambiguities that existed in the Ferguson case, exist in the Staten Island case.  And yet, the outcome is exactly the same no crime, no trial, all harm, no foul.  In Ferguson, at least you had conflicting witness testimony, you had conflicting forensics, you had the specter at least, of police self-defense, but here there is none of that.  The coroner called it a homicide.  The guy’s not acting threatening, and we know that, not through witness testimony, unreliable bystanders, but because we are bleeping watching it.  Someone taped it.  A couple of days ago the White House proposed more cameras on cop vests as a solution to this type of violence.  I assume the solution they are proposing, if implemented would look something like the Eric Garner case.  I mean maybe, to look at the bright side, we’re about to save ourselves a bleep load of money on cop camera vests, but damn.  We are definitely not living in a post racial society and I can imagine there are a lot of people out there wondering how much of a society we’re living in at all.”

 

http://thedailyshow.cc.com/videos/a9bg2k/the-eric-garner-grand-jury-decision

 

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Stephen Colbert  “Let me tell you folks, this trailer has got everything you want in a Star Wars movie.  Wake surfing X-Wings, R2D2’s head playing soccer, even a black Stormtrooper.  So, for the record Jawas if he stops you and frisks you, it’s not racist.  Also, you’re kind of asking for it with those hoodies.”

http://thecolbertreport.cc.com/videos/umsrnb/lightsaber-controversy

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http://thecolbertreport.cc.com/videos/67tlr7/bernie-sanders-pt–2

Stephen Colbert “Now, Senator Sanders you’re a guy who’s a rabble-rouser.  You whip people up.  That may play in Vermont, but there is talk that you may be throwing your hat into the Presidential ring.  Sir, I only have 15 more shows.  If you want the Colbert bump…  Are you ready to declare tonight? … Would you like to make some news?”

Sen Bernie Sanders (I-VT) “The news is I’m thinking about running for President. ”

Colbert “Sir, you have a campaign manager.  Is he doing nothing?  Is that just socialist handouts?”

Sanders “We haven’t put anybody on the campaign staff yet.  What we have to ascertain is whether or not in this country there is the appetite and willingness to put together a strong grass-roots movement to take on the billionaire class.  That’s a very difficult undertaking and when you’re running against people who have unlimited sums of money the question is how you raise the twenty dollars and forty dollar contributions, the money that you need to run a serious campaign.  So, those are the issues we’re looking at.”

Colbert “OK, you believe the government can achieve things.  True?  That’s a controversial stance.  Can you name a country where that’s worked out?”

Sanders “I think, one of the sad things about American politics is that we don’t know a whole lot about what’s going on in a number of other countries.  In Denmark, for example, you have a very good health care system which provides quality care to all of its people without out of pocket expense.  At a time when our young people, by the millions, are having a hard time affording to go to college, are graduating deeply in debt, in Denmark college and graduate school is without any out of pocket expense.”

Colbert “I do want to point one thing out to you Senator.  Denmark has five and a half million people and I have more than that on my Twitter feed.  So, I’m going to tweet something here tonight, uhm, hold on, ‘suck it Denmark’.  Alright folks, please retweet that.  If I get more get more retweets than there are people in Denmark, (points at Sanders) you have to move there.”