Archive for the ‘bill maher’ Tag

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Bill Maher “If Secret Service agents are going to get drunk and crash their car into the White House they, at least, have to try to hit one of the nuts jumping the fence.”

 

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Bill Maher “Hey, who’s ready for a little free speech in America?  Because, I tell you something, if there was a theme to the news in the time we were off, it would be no joking.  No joking.  There are people in the world who just don’t like you joking about them.  You know, North Korea, they don’t like it.  These bleeps in Paris who shot cartoonists this week, they don’t like it.  And as a jokester, I just have to say, the world needs to stand as one and, to quote the immortal Dick Cheney, say go bleep yourself.  And, let me tell you something, the incredibly courageous staff of this French magazine, Charlie Hebdot, they said that loud and clear this week ’cause they announced yesterday not only are they going to put out the next edition on time, but with a million extra copies.  Yea, I mean, my heroes.  compare that to Sony who pulled The Interview after one online threat.  Congratulations Sony, you put up less resistance than the French.  Wow, oh they’re scaredy pants, they also shut down production on the next Guardians Of The Galaxy movie because raccoons complained about their portrayal.”

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Bill Maher speaking about the Republican reaction to President Obama’s executive order on immigration “They’re so paranoid, Michele Bachmann (R-MN) said these illegal immigrants, they’re gonna to be voting.  OK, there’s no evidence of illegal immigrants ever voting, although they should.  There’s another job Americans won’t do.”

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Bill Maher “New rule, when it comes to being baited into going to war, America has to try a little harder to not be so bleeping easy!  Just a few months ago, polls showed Americans were sick of war.  They’d had enough.  They were anxious to stay out of the Middle-East.  Then they saw two beheadings and overnight they were like, oh war, we can’t stay mad at you.  You know, conservatives love to vilify anyone who doesn’t want to immediately throw down as appeasers, but when you’re dealing with terrorists who’s aim is to bait us into overreaction, and you oblige them, aren’t you the appeaser?”

 

 

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Bill Maher “Obama is still dealing with the crisis on our border.  He met yesterday with the Presidents of Guatemala, and Honduras, and El Salvador and he was trying to tell them to tell your citizens not to come to this country, and if they do, they will not be allowed to stay, unless they’ve got a great curve ball.  Then, we’re all good.”

 

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Bill Maher and his Real Time panel ripped Democrats again on Friday for not setting themselves apart from Republicans when it comes to gun safety laws, pointing out that even Fort Hood shooter Ivan Lopez questioned how easy it was for a person with mental health issues to have access to firearms months before attacking the base.

“Our gun laws are so crazy, even crazy people know that they’re crazy,” Maher said.

Daily Beast editor-in-chief John Avlon agreed, mentioning the bipartisan gun bill that could not make it into law despite overwhelming public support following the 2012 mass shooting in Newtown, Connecticut.

“They were trying to close a loophole reflecting mental health,” Avlon said. “It is so nuts that we aren’t able to get through a law with 90 percent support? That shows how paralyzed we are.”

Maher and Avlon also mocked Georgia Democrats for not standing up against the Republican-backed “guns everywhere” bill making it easier to carry guns into churches, public facilities and bars.

“Common sense left the building a long time ago when we talk about guns in this country, the Georgia law being the most obvious,” Avlon told Maher. “Guns in bars? I mean, what could possibly go wrong?”

Bill Maher: ‘Our gun laws are so crazy, even crazy people know that they’re crazy’

Posted April 26, 2014 by tmusicfan in Politics, Quote of the Day

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Bill Maher “Of course, the other big news this week, good news for the people who need it the most, our downtrodden millionaires and billionaires.  You know, the tough thing about being rich in America folks, is that you may have money and yachts, and gold toilet handles, but what you don’t really have is a voice.  Nobody listens to you.  It’s like you don’t exist.  It’s like you’re homeless except you have many large homes.  Well, luckily we have a Supreme Court that is giving voice to our millionaires and billionaires.  This week they struck down the aggregate limits they have on individuals giving to candidates and parties.  You know, you used to be only able to buy your Congressman, now you can buy your Congressman, and everybody else’s too.  Donald Trump can drive a pickup truck to the Capital steps and say who speaks English, I need eight of you, hop in.  No, those five Jurassic bleepholes that make the conservative wing, they all voted together and Clarence Thomas, always worse than any of them, Clarence Thomas says he wants no campaign finance rules at all.  Clarence Thomas, I always say to myself how can a guy that never talks always makes me want to go oh shut up.”

 

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Bill Maher “Actually, the Pope and the President have a lot in common.  He hears people’s confessions and Obama reads your e-mail.”

 

 

Posted March 29, 2014 by tmusicfan in Politics, Quote of the Day

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Bill Maher “It’s still a very volatile there in Ukraine.  President Obama hasn’t really decided exactly what we’re going to do.  Fox news has already decided that whatever it is, it’s wrong.  Sean Hannity said today it’s either gutless and will show the world we’re weak, or it’s reckless and will get us all killed.  I’ll get back to you on Monday.

And, people keep asking me what are they fighting about there in the Ukraine.  Well, it’s complicated, but basically half of the country wants to modernize and become more western in their outlook, and the other half of the country wants to live in the past.  Same problem with our country.”

Posted February 22, 2014 by tmusicfan in Politics, Quote of the Day

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Bill Maher “This Valentine’s day, Americans must remember that politicians are like a box of chocolates. We bite into them to find out what’s on the inside, only to discover that Democrats are too often soft and gooey, and Republicans are mostly nuts.

Valentine’s day is a good time to remember that psychologists tell us that the strongest relationships aren’t built on animal attraction, they’re built on a lifetime of respect and trust, if that’s what you’re into. But it’s also not really an accurate description of the American psyche which is always obsessed with what is new. We love the new phone, the new app, the new restaurant, the new app that tells us about the new restaurant, and we see this phenomenon in Presidential races. Voters say they want experience, but time after time a party nominates the guy we don’t know that well, and he wins. And, when they nominate the older guy, who’s waited his turn, they loose. Bob Dole, Al Gore, John McCain, John Kerry, Walter Mondale, Mitt Romney. America looked at all of them and said where’s the mystery, where’s the romance? Or in McCain’s case, where’s the pulse?

In America, the ideal candidate for office is someone no one knows, like Barack Obama in 2007. If he had waited another four years to run, voters might have caught on that underneath his chocolate coating was a creamy layer of intellect, and that never goes over well in America. But Obama, always smart, and he realized that if you wait your turn, when your turn finally comes, America is already tired of you. Oh, he was told to wait, told that it wasn’t his turn, that he had only been a Senator since Tuesday, told that nobody knew him, that he hadn’t done anything, and he said exactly. Yes, much better to be a blank canvas before you’ve cast all those votes that can be twisted in attack ads, before you’ve made enemies and left a paper trail, before your dick pics go viral. Before, in short, you have too much baggage.

And who has more baggage than the current favorite for the next Democratic nomination. This week Rand Paul and Reince Priebus both announced that the old Clinton scandals were fair game in 2016, as if it was Hilary’s fault that her husband got blown when he was President in the ’90’s. Like she was in on it….No, that Obama. Smart guy. He knew, get in early before some stuff happens.

And the guy who missed that lesson is Chris Christie. He could have, and should have run in 2012, back when he still had that new candidate smell. Back when the public didn’t look at him and think scandal, they looked at him and thought thank God humans invented clothing. Three months ago, Christie was such a shoe-in for the White House they were practically measuring which wall to knock down to get the forklift in. But now, he’s 350 pounds of toast, because the longer you stay in, the more likely some bad thing will stick to you.

It could be anything. A land deal from 25 years ago, an illegal nanny, the fact that you’re a witch. People in your office, who you had absolutely no knowledge of, doing something really stupid like throwing a tantrum and keeping people from crossing a bridge, like a four year old crossed with a troll.

Politicians are like suede jackets. There are cheap ones and expensive ones, but once they get rain on them, they all look like shit.”