Archive for the ‘a thousand dead’ Tag

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http://thecolbertreport.cc.com/videos/67tlr7/bernie-sanders-pt–2

Stephen Colbert “Now, Senator Sanders you’re a guy who’s a rabble-rouser.  You whip people up.  That may play in Vermont, but there is talk that you may be throwing your hat into the Presidential ring.  Sir, I only have 15 more shows.  If you want the Colbert bump…  Are you ready to declare tonight? … Would you like to make some news?”

Sen Bernie Sanders (I-VT) “The news is I’m thinking about running for President. ”

Colbert “Sir, you have a campaign manager.  Is he doing nothing?  Is that just socialist handouts?”

Sanders “We haven’t put anybody on the campaign staff yet.  What we have to ascertain is whether or not in this country there is the appetite and willingness to put together a strong grass-roots movement to take on the billionaire class.  That’s a very difficult undertaking and when you’re running against people who have unlimited sums of money the question is how you raise the twenty dollars and forty dollar contributions, the money that you need to run a serious campaign.  So, those are the issues we’re looking at.”

Colbert “OK, you believe the government can achieve things.  True?  That’s a controversial stance.  Can you name a country where that’s worked out?”

Sanders “I think, one of the sad things about American politics is that we don’t know a whole lot about what’s going on in a number of other countries.  In Denmark, for example, you have a very good health care system which provides quality care to all of its people without out of pocket expense.  At a time when our young people, by the millions, are having a hard time affording to go to college, are graduating deeply in debt, in Denmark college and graduate school is without any out of pocket expense.”

Colbert “I do want to point one thing out to you Senator.  Denmark has five and a half million people and I have more than that on my Twitter feed.  So, I’m going to tweet something here tonight, uhm, hold on, ‘suck it Denmark’.  Alright folks, please retweet that.  If I get more get more retweets than there are people in Denmark, (points at Sanders) you have to move there.”

 

 

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Jon Stewart “Here is something I do not get to say very much at all lately, good news from the Middle East.”

Reporter “A 12 hour humanitarian cease-fire between Israel and Hamas.”

Reporter “There were no civilians being shelled, there were no rockets in the skies of Tel Aviv.”

Stewart “Finally, a cease-fire that, OK 12 hours. It’s only scheduled to last as long as a decent dose of Sudafed. But still, it is some relief, we can build on this.”

Reporter “Sunday, it took all of 10 minutes for the fragile cease-fire expired at 8am for Hamas to send rockets into Israel.”

Stewart “Bleep! I guess the real question was what was going on during those 10 minutes. ‘Hello, people. Humanitarian cease-fire ended 10 minutes ago. Tick tock. The never ending hatred in this region isn’t going to bomb itself'”.

….

Reporter “The UN Security Council called for an immediate, unconditional cease-fire.”

Stewart “Boom! Unconditional! Not that such resolutions are in any way enforceable or meaningful. But still, when a resolution is issued…”

Reporter “The United Nations Security Council took action with a statement, not a resolution.”

Stewart “Even a resolution was too much? ‘Guys, I don’t know. A resolution seems pretty stern, pretty stern guys. Even a statement, I don’t know. What’s the death toll? A thousand and growing? What about we just jump in with a hmm, hey guys. You know, if that gets push back, we can take it down a notch. I mean, we’re only a collection of the world’s super powers'”.

http://thedailyshow.cc.com/videos/w2vuc9/truce-defective